But now everyone was at home, logged on with a lob on, looking to "accom. This has created something that looks, through a vandalized toilet cubicle partition, like a paradox. Some argue that this is a shameful and shame-filled hangover from the period of illegality and hiding, that it's a form of internalized homophobia preventing gay men from having proper i. Some have gone further and argued that because gay men can get civil-partnered or, soon, married, they now owe it to society to leave behind their irresponsible lifestyle from an oppressed past, stop letting the side down and "grow up.
Now, I certainly wouldn't deny that casual sex can be a bad habit that's difficult to break, and one that can make having a long-term relationship more difficult -- but really only if monogamy is part of the deal.
Arguably, the always-available culture of anonymous sex, the gaping glory hole, isn't what stops gay men from having relationships; it's perhaps what makes many long-term gay relationships possible where otherwise the commitment might be too smothering.
Precisely because sex is so freely and so anonymously available for gay men, it is less likely to be the foundation of their relationship -- and sex outside the relationship less likely to represent a threat. While the general relevance of gay culture for gay people tends to recede as homophobia rapidly falls off and integration speeds up, it shouldn't really be a surprise that the world of anonymous sex persists and in fact flourishes.
Like camp, it's the slutty sensibility of a culture of too much choice -- and an escape from out-and-proud identity.
After all, Grindr's logo is a mask. The gay culture of anonymous, or at least "no-strings," sex is also something non-gays seem very keen to appropriate. Ironically, now that gays have begun to convince much of the Western world that they're "just like straight people" and thus worthy of marriage, straight people seem to be spending all their time dogging, checking their messages on Badoo and deconstructing monogamy.
But I would say that. When it comes to anonymous sex, I'm a lifer. Then, later, I thought that I wanted love to save me from sex. Nowadays, like many other middle-aged men whose libido is in free fall, I pray for sex to save me from love.
Mark Simpson's Kindle single End of Gays? Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. Follow Mark Simpson on Twitter: Father of the 'metrosexual' and 'retrosexual'; author, 'Male Impersonators,' 'Saint Morrissey' and 'Metrosexy'. This Blogger's Books and Other Items from A 21st Century Self-Love Story. I assume you're not looking for a relationship, right?
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