Oxytocin makes women want to bond. Can our psychology override our biology? Men's bodies release testosterone which drives them off to go find some other women with whom to spread their biological material. So it seems that biology grows strings when women have sex.
Of course, being higher order beings, we can control our emotions and our biological urges. However, this takes work, experience and maturity. And the impact of wanting to bond with someone who does not want to bond can leave women feeling disappointed, confused and sometimes hurt. Should women have casual sex? Well, 'shoulds' are not applicable to sex. Whatever works between consenting adults is not to be judged by me.
However, from my own personal experience, most women cannot have a sexual encounter and not feel hurt if a man does not call again and is clear he has not intention to do so. Does the increase in the alcohol consumption of women have anything to do with the increase in casual sex? If she cannot do it sober perhaps she shouldn't be doing it at all. Liquid courage to have sex often ends in liquid tears afterward.
In college culture, hooking up is often fueled by alcohol which implies that under sober circumstances women would choose not to have sex with a casual acquaintance. It should be noted that in the Reid, Elliot and Webber study neither men or women seem to be particularly happy with NSA sex but women are less happy. That said, when it comes to sex, if it feels good do it safely , but if it does not feel good then why bother? Casual sex becomes just for fun when that nesting urge is not a factor.
When comparing men and women, its important to emphasize that the real differences are experienced by different number of each sex. For example, the age old complaint about double standards. The complaint is that women are stigmatized and men are not. That's because almost all women have control over the number of sex partners and only a few men do.
Right off there can't be a double standard when considering that the vast majority of men are lucky to get an occasional hookup. Male orgasm isn't associated with oxytocin release?! This has been established for years.
It's shameful that the author couldn't even google it. Oxytocin plays a couple of different essential roles in the process for men, so thanks for the link. Ruth was just trying to make a female-biology-as-male-destiny type of argument. Happens all the time. Feminacentrism is another manifestation of Womenfirsters' power to define the agenda. It requires looking at all problems exclusively from women's perspective, or for the purpose of seeing how women are affected. It is based on the idea that women are more virtuous, more important than men.
Feminacentrism is blind to the problems men face. Never generalize from your own experience to the experience of most "women. That generalizing is neither good psychology nor good sociology. All it is, is good presumption. When the author says "most And her statements about the sex differences are not derived from personal experience I suppose because they have been confirmed by countless surveys, studies and experiments. Sounds like Pollyanna wrote this paper, in the 's. Should have been broken down by age.
If you want babies, pick up a guy in a drunken state hoping for marriage and you are say, 28, yes-perhaps a hook-up could be depressing. If you are 45, divorced, into your career, already been there-done that with children and your hook-up agrees with your premise-we are talking an entirely different theme. No alcohol need be involved, just two grown ups having a casual, safe and temporary friendship.
Thank you for this comment! I am right in that same situation and finding anything useful about sex at post divorce not by choice is far and apart. I have 4 kids a full time job and no urge to deal with "relationship" stuff. Still I have physical needs, used to have daily sex with my husband for 22 years. I can relieve myself by masturbating, but in the long it is not very satisfying.
There is a definite difference in having a partner to share it with lol It felt strange at first, but if you have dealt with your loss and defined your needs, I say: I figure that conducting research with American college students as subjects might be easy, but I doubt that insights could be extended to the rest of the female population in the world.
I am perfectly alright with the idea of casual sex that is planned, and where parties are considerate to each other. Consent is established well before the first drink, so alcohol shouldn't be a consideration. It seems to me that research is biased in considering that marriage should be the purpose of sex; and that sex alone is never emotionally satisfying for a woman. By studying young populations, studies keep the premises 'immature', and keep perpetuating myths about what men and women want.
Yes, women of ALL ages are quite capable of having NSA sex without regrets, and I'd argue that a lot more would do it in the absence of ominous social judgements. Even those enlightened women failed eventually in there promiscuous practices. And as for the comments calling out social judgments, society also judges the obese.
Is obesity a healthy practice to should sensationalized by an "enlightened" culture. Did you seriously just cite Sex and the City as if it were a documentary of some kind on female sexuality? I hate even having to type the words, but: You do realize those women are characters, right?
Their failures were contrived by a group of writers who probably harbor the same little grain of regressive conservative thinking that most people in this country do when it comes to the idea of women having sex.
Who knows if it's improbable? Cross cultural studies would be useful to take a look at different forms of casual sex in places less puritanical than the U.
The "sexual revolution" wasn't so long ago, and women are still shamed and derided from all angles of society for wanting sex, for how they want sex, for how often or how little they want sex, and on and on and on. There are many more social reasons than biological ones for why women experience casual sex less I foresee that gap fading eventually, but not any faster for all the articles pulled out of thin air to make it a contentious issue whether women even like this or that kind of sex.
Paternalism at its finest to take a behavior many women partake in and then ask if they, despite doing it en masse, are even biologically capable of enjoying it. S never knew that. I have been following the debate of casual sex and women and searched for some genuine and useful advise and feedback. What I run into is mostly American websites and the research that has been conducted is primarily on college aged young adults and the "hook up" culture.
Women have been having casual sex in all times, but it has been condemned by society and therefore kept under the "blankets". I am a mature woman of 45y, with 4 kids. I have been single for 1.
I only had had 1 boyfriend before marrying. I have done my mourning, signed the divorce agreement, worked on my self spiritually in prayer, meditation and with my minister. Emotionally I am stable and fulfilled, I have supportive friends, family and my children. Physically I am in great shape, healthy and fit.
I work full time and my economy is in order. I am missing sex! Of course I can masturbate to relief my sexual needs and I do release tension by my "own hand". It is a poor substitute though to real sexual interaction with another human being. Kissing, caressing and making out, feeling another body next to yours and having the oxytocin release: Modern research reveals that it happens to men too, not only women!
I just put that oxytocin into good use cuddling my children, since mommy is on cloud nine after a night with some great "no strings attached" sex. I have no time or space in my life at this point to commit to a relationship.
I am discreet, I am safe. Condom is a must. I do not leave my home number or address. I am ready to take the risk of a brief emotional attachment, actually that is one of my requirements. If there is no feeling of "connection" emotionally, physically, spiritually I do not "hook up" with the guy. The great thing is that men are also looking for that connection! The guys I have met are not looking for brainless banging.
They want to discuss life, relationships, religion, spirituality, dreams, passions Both know it is a none commitment thing, we meet and we part. Hopefully both parties have had an expanding experience.
I feel blessed to have shared that moment with them and my life is richer and my pussy is tender from hours of great sex and multiple orgasms!!!! So girl, please do take responsibility to cater for your own needs. If you are honest with yourself and your partner and not trying to cover up alternative motives, go for it.
There are men that are looking for a great experience with a mature, assertive sexy lady that they can connect with and share a night or two of pleasure, no strings attached This article repeats the same bullshit assumptions I keep seeing about women and casual sex. I am 37 and single. I have mostly been single for my whole life, although I ended a 5-year relationship almost a year ago.
I never have had a problem with it. It is a godsend! I have physical needs just like any man, and like filling them with a little variety, thank you very much. The issue is with expectations: If you both just want to have a little fun, what's the harm in that?
As long as both people realize what the deal is, it's great. I agree that many women can do it. And it is also possible that there are generational differences. I have several female friends Europe, different countries, around yrs who went through an NSA sex phase for different reasons. Some were after long, abusive or unhappy relationships, some were left by their partner.
From my part, I only went into a relationship with the knowledge that the guy is not for me and that this will end rather sooner than later.
I felt strongly attracted, and the guy did not lie at any stage, no false hopes for future together etc. Nevertheless, even when I entered, I knew it will be painful when it ends. And it was 3 months later. I am a bonding type of person, want to know my partner intimately and share my life with him, so no way will I do NSA sex. For some, just the fact, that the guy was clearly not interested in them as a person, but more like a sex object, caused them to feel used regardless of their consent even if sex was physically satisfying for them.
I haven't read the above article regarding male oxytocin release during sex, but in another one earlier I did read that the testosterone if released in large amount will counteract the released oxytocin - and hence certain males will not bond via sex whereas women do not have this "defense".
Stereotypes are not the full picture, I agree. And for the same reason I also do not like some men writing about their need for casual sex as a generalised, all men's dream of thing. Non-functioning, boring, sexless, etc. PUA community using tools of a sociopathic narcissist's mindset to basically rape women some using covert hypnosis, young, gullible, undereducated, psychologically troubled etc. The difference I see between this and roofying someone, that with the drug it is more provable that abuse happened.
One of the terms in PUA lingo clearly describes this: Some PUA gurus after a while get more chilled and end up in monogamous relationships but by then they contributed to tremendous abuse directly and indirectly for female victims as well as their customers.
Looking at Maslow's hierarchy, sex is a fundamental. Looking at health-focused research, sex is healthy and necessary. What do you do if you are alone?
After one year with no one-on-one sex, I decided to try a casual arrangement. From the first, it was wonderful. There are no undercurrents, and each of us can get out at any time, no questions asked. I am very happy. I am 54 and he is If women can be choosy about the height, physical appearance, and wealth of their casual sex partners, why shouldn't men be choosy about the past sexual conduct or "morals" of their potential long-term relationship partners? The so-called "double standard" works both ways.
The simple fact is, women these days have more options and more choices than men. That's why heterosexual bars and clubs have "ladies night" instead of "men's night". The women, not the men, get to do the choosing. At closing time on ladies night, a group of average, slightly shy, somewhat short men are sitting alone at the bar while the women have left with all the big, tall, square jawed athletic looking guys with big feet- the same guys who went home with different women after the last ladies night.
That's fine- we all should have the freedom to make our own choices, but we also have to face the consequences of our actions. I would like to point out that young boys don't dream about growing up and marrying girls for who they are sexual partner number 25 any more than daddy wants his little girl to grow up to be a porn star. And no amount of hypocritical, self-righteous "feminism"- short of a totalitarian "Brave New World"- is going to change that dynamic.
While I don't approve of that group's behavior, I do think that what they are doing cannot in any way be compared to "rape" as you suggested. Lying maybe, but rape, no. What you are implying is that women are too stupid to make their own choices or to see through childish head games.
As someone who believes in the mental equality even superiority of women, I find your suggestion appalling. If a woman feels "used" afterwards, perhaps that's a sign that she should be more choosy, or even delay a sexual involvement for some time until she's sure about the man's intentions.
I'ts sad that women are falling for that sort of thing, but they made a choice, so live and learn. I think a lot of frustrated guys who lack self confidence, good looks, or stature are likely to try the "PUA" methodology, because they've felt rejected or hurt by women, and also they see the blatant hypocrisy in women's sexual behavior.
By hypocrisy, I mean the way women promote the idea of a finding a loving, committed partner i. The popularity of "PUA" tricks shouldn't be any more shocking than that of "penis enlargement" gimmicks which don't work; these industries prey upon gullible men with deep seated insecurities, fears which are often amplified by women's actual behavior.
The first glaringly problematic comment the author made, is that "in my personal experience, most women cannot have casual sex without feeling hurt if the other person doesn't call back and has no intention of doing so. It is obvious from that sentence, that the author is butt-hurt about a guy Feeling ashamed of herself, she decided to extrapolate her experience to mean "most women must feel this way since that is how I feel.
I do not understand how one author's personal butt-hurt made it into a renowned magazine about Psychology as a general guideline. I assure you, as a man, it is equally obnoxious to hook up with a girl you like and have her never show up again or call you back.
It is a silly double standard to assume that women do not do this to men as well, to assume women do not sport-fuck you for a notch on their belt, because many of them will and you will not know about it until afterwards. I also take issue with the whole "if she has to drink to have sex, maybe she shouldn't be having sex.
People drink to lower inhibitions and get laid. It just happens that way. Sex is fun when it's thrilling and has that "is this going to happen? In a courtroom usually set aside for the violence adults unleash on each other, the names of two dead children hung like ghosts. A man who says he 'specializes' in 'debunking transgenderism' is demanding local governments remove rainbow flags from their properties. Charlotte Hepatitis A outbreak: Know it or beware QNotes Staff Queer sex slang: Know it or beware Your brief guide to surviving in the online world of sex Online Only.
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Have your say by voting in our QPoll below. Yes No Unsure View Results. The Charlotte Observer Archive... Or sign in with a social account: S never knew. I have mostly been single for my whole life, although I ended a 5-year relationship almost a year ago. You do realize those women are characters, right? I am a young single mother and I have found that most of my relationships since my daughter was born, have been very short lived and meaningless. From the first, it was wonderful. Both live sex backpages personals Sydney us are mature adults having adult kids; we have our financial independence, yet, it was weird for me to agree acting like I was no human.